Emotional Regulation

Emotional Regulation: How I Stopped Being a Human Volcano (Mostly)

Hey feelers and overthinkers! If you're diving into Emotional Regulation, you’re learning how to ride the wave of emotions without getting totally wiped out. It’s all about recognizing what you’re feeling, understanding why, and choosing how to respond rather than letting anxiety or anger run the show. And yup, it’s a major theme in the Best Books Anxiety Depression, because managing emotions is key to mental wellness and everyday sanity.

Experts like Dr. Marsha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), have built entire frameworks around emotional regulation. Books like Emotional Agility by Susan David and The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk break down how emotions affect your brain, body, and relationships. Whether you’re navigating stress in New York, burnout in London, or just trying to stay grounded in Jakarta, emotional regulation is your inner toolkit for staying chill and clear-headed.

Wanna get better at handling your feels and leveling up your mental game? Check out our full guide on Best Books Anxiety Depression and grab the reads that’ll help you regulate like a pro 📚💆‍♂️.

What Is Emotional Regulation, Really?

It’s not about being emotionless (hello, robots). It’s about:

• Not screaming when your sibling "accidentally" eats your leftovers
• Pausing before sending that angry text you’ll regret
• Recognizing when you’re actually upset about work, not the dishwasher being loaded wrong

Psychologist James Gross calls it "the process of influencing which emotions we have, when we have them, and how we express them." Translation: It’s your emotional volume knob.

Why I Sucked at Emotional Regulation (And Maybe You Do Too)

For years, I swung between two modes:

1. Emotional Firehose: "I FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS RIGHT NOW AT MAX VOLUME"
2. Emotional Lockbox: "I’m fine :)" *internal screaming*

Breakthrough moment: During a work meeting, my voice cracked while "calmly" explaining a frustration. My colleague whispered: "Hey, it’s okay to say you’re upset." Mind. Blown.

The 3-Second Trick That Changed Everything

Neuroscience shows we have a 6-second gap between emotion and reaction (thanks, amygdala!). Now I use this hack:

• When triggered, I silently count: "1-Mississippi, 2-Mississippi, 3-Mississippi"
• Ask: "Will this matter in 3 days? 3 months?"
• Then choose my response (key word: choose)

Does it always work? Nope. But 60% success beats 0% meltdowns.

Emotional Regulation ≠ Emotional Suppression

Biggest myth? That regulating emotions means ignoring them. Actually, it’s:

• Naming the emotion ("I’m feeling disrespected, not just ‘annoyed’")
• Locating it physically (my clenched fists = anger)
• Processing it (walking, journaling, ugly-crying in the shower)

Pro tip: Try the "Emotion Wheel" (Google it). I discovered I’d been using "angry" as a catch-all for everything from embarrassment to hunger.

What Nobody Tells You About Emotional Regulation

It’s exhausting at first. Like mental weightlifting. Some days I’d rather just throw my phone across the room than do deep breathing. But here’s what keeps me going:

• Relationships improve when you stop making others responsible for your emotions
• You gain this weird superpower of clarity during chaos
• Eventually, it becomes automatic (like not peeing your pants we all learned that skill once!)

My Most Embarrassing Emotional Regulation Fail

Picture this: I’m at a fancy restaurant. The waiter brings the wrong sauce. Instead of politely asking for the correct one, I:

1. Felt my face get hot
2. Dramatically pushed my plate away
3. Announced "I guess I’m just NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE"

The kicker? I was actually stressed about a medical bill. The sauce was just… sauce. Now I use the "Is this about the sauce?" test whenever I overreact.

5 Real-World Emotional Regulation Hacks That Don’t Suck

Forget vague "just meditate" advice. Try these instead:

• The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Trick: Name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, etc. (Works even in bathroom stalls during work crises)
• Temperature Shock: Splash cold water on your wrists or hold an ice cube (shocks your nervous system into resetting)
• Alphabet Feelings: Name emotions A-Z ("Anxious, Bothered, Cranky…") until you hit the real one
• Future You Test: Ask "How will Future Me wish I handled this?"
• Emotional First Aid Kit: Mine has sour candy (shocks me out of spirals), a photo of my dog, and a playlist titled "Chill the F*** Out"

Your Next Step (Pick One!)

This week, try just one of these:

• When frustrated, say out loud: "I’m feeling ___, because ___" (even if just to your cat)
• Set a "Rage Walk" alarm—5 minutes of pacing when emotions run high
• Text a friend: "Vent or solution?" so they know how to support you

Remember: Emotional regulation isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. Some days you’ll handle stress like a Zen monk. Other days, you’ll cry over toast. Both are okay.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go apologize to my Wi-Fi router for the threats I made earlier. Baby steps.